Baby

In the morning I felt some rhythmic cramps but they were so light I didn’t think much of it. Once I went to the washroom I noticed some bloody show and it was goopy when I wiped. This I figured was the mucus plug which according to the midwife doesn’t really indicate much. You could give birth soon after or weeks after. My due date was in two days.

On the same night around 10pm I felt the same sensations again while watching a movie. It felt just like period cramps but sharper. I always imagined contractions would feel like your foot cramping up in a cold pool but it was less painful than that, at least at first. It started getting stronger and David got very excited. I didn’t want to get disappointed if it wasn’t the real thing so I remained nonchalant and continued watching the movie but used an app to time to contractions. They were pretty irregular so I continued to watch the movie. After about an hour they started getting stronger and more regular so I took a tylenol and gravol to see if I can get some sleep. Maybe I was in early labour after all! This was phase 1 of the pain: mild and tolerable.

Last night with a baby bump

Sleep did not come so I passed the time by tracking the contractions. I was very jealous of David snoozing soundly beside me. Eventually around 5am it started getting intense enough that I couldn’t just lie there anymore (phase 2) so I woke David up. I needed to start using the techniques they taught us in our prenatal class to deal with the pain: ohming, object focusing, moving around with an exercise ball, warm bath, and massage. I really liked the massage with the pool noodle in the class but when it came to the real thing I hated it. The bath was nice at first but pretty soon any skin not touching the water was cold and I hated that too. The only thing that really worked was “ohming” where you focus on the release of your breath and make a deep groaning sound. After a few hours of managing those contractions, the intensity went up another notch (phase 3) where I really needed someone beside me for the contractions. David held me for the standing supported squat position but my legs were jello and it was impossible to support myself that way. I could only squat on all fours. Contractions have been 1 minute long, every 3-4 minutes for the past 2 hours and with the increased intensity, this was when we decided to page our midwife team on urgent. It was nerve racking waiting for the call back. To my delight, Patricia called us back. She asked if I felt pressure down below and I did. As I had no idea how much progress we’ve made into the labour, we decided to meet her at the hospital. Now I was finally excited! It’s really happening. I wasn’t sure if I could tolerate not being able to go on all fours during the trip to the hospital but it was ok. We just breathed through the contractions down the elevator and into the car. There was a lady waiting for the elevator at P2. I remember wondering about whether she realized I was in labour or not and if not, it must be weird listening to me wailing. We couldn’t bring the car seat since I needed David to support me.

We went through the emergency entrance at Burnaby hospital and David gave them my documentation. They were pretty fast at bringing me a wheelchair and I was taken to the maternity ward straight away while David stayed behind to deal with the paperwork. I was glad we did a tour of the hospital beforehand because it made me more relaxed as I knew what to expect. Patricia was already at the maternity ward front desk when they wheeled me there and I was so happy to be now in the hands of the professionals. She asked the nurse to dim the lights in my room and then David joined us.

The rest of the morning is pretty much a daze with all that oxytocin coursing through my veins. I remember jazz music helped me relax. I rotated between the hospital bed, on the floor next to the armchair, and the shower. Nothing was really that great. I did like that you could raise the head of the hospital bed which is a 1-up from home. It was very painful but with David’s help I loudly groaned through it all. Patricia brought us some peanut butter on toast and some juice. At some point I heard the screams of another mom and eventually her baby’s first cry and I so wished I was at that stage. Time passed. It took 3 hours to go from 4 cm to 7 cm. Eventually I wanted to try the shower again. The water was warm but then I felt extra warmth flowing from me. I figured my water broke at that point. Everything got way more intense after that.

This was the start of the real pain! All the tactics and positions previous to this no longer helped. The feeling was just all consuming. I couldn’t concentrate on my breathing. I couldn’t stay still. I couldn’t escape. I knew there was 3 cm left and judging by the last 3 cm, there was no way I could last 3 more minutes of this let alone 3 more hours! I just started to lose it. I begged Patricia to just give me something, anything! I didn’t want an epidural but wasn’t there anything else they could give me? There was nothing. I remember my friend said they got a shot of morphine during their birth. What about morphine? She said she would need to run an IV. She suggested I try the laughing gas. I stuck the mouth piece in my mouth and tried to breathe but it was just too hard to deal with this awkward thing in my mouth with the worst pain I’ve felt in my life at the same time. Can’t anyone see I was dying? I think at this point I really started to panic because I really didn’t want any interventions but this was just impossible. What made it harder was that I wanted to push so badly but I couldn’t because I wasn’t fully dilated yet. I just begged her to help me and she managed to calm me down a bit by talking me through it and focusing on breathing out. She said it was a safe pain, that I was not being harmed, take deep slow breaths, and to release all my tension every time I breathed out. Eventually I calmed down and she asked me to try to last another half hour and then she will check on me again. In this half hour it took everything to resist the urge to push. At some point I couldn’t hold it any longer. Things were just coming out of me! Poops that is. Poor David had to wipe my bum. I was so embarrassed. We’re too young for him to be doing that! Finally Patricia checked me and she surprisingly said I was fully dilated and I can start pushing at the height of the pain. What height of the pain? It was at the peak 100% of the time! So I just pushed and remembered those kegel exercises and tried to push with those muscles. I have no idea how long I pushed but it didn’t seem long.

At some point Patricia asked me to move to the bed and lie on my back. I was surprised because all the videos we saw of natural births had the woman on all fours so that gravity can help. She told me to bend my legs and curve my back to help the baby. I then felt what people call the ring of fire and she said I could put my hand down and feel the baby’s head coming through. I felt wet hair on something firm. Wow! I think I made 2 big pushes for the head and 1 for the shoulder and he was out! David caught him. They immediately put him on my chest and started rubbing the white stuff off him. I was mostly feeling disbelief than anything. Just overwhelmed with general emotion, whatever that means. He didn’t cry but just made tiny whimpering noises. Usually in the movies they cry a lot but Patricia said it was nothing to worry about. I couldn’t believe that he was here, I am finally going to be a mom. I pushed the placenta out while baby was lying on me and David cut the rubbery umbilical cord with a pair of scissors. Patricia made sure the bleeding was normal and then proceeded to examine “the damage”. I had second degree lacerations in an upside down v shape which needed about 6 stitches. The laughing gas was finally useful and I breathed that dry air while she added the stitches. It doesn’t take the pain away, you just get drowsy and out of it so you care less about what’s going on. I almost breathed in too much and fell asleep. Dad and baby got some quality bonding time during the stitches. 

It was very important that I pee after all this. If I couldn’t, they would put a catheter in to drain the liquid out of the bladder. While I tried to pee, baby had his head measured and reflexes checked. He had a strong grasping reflex but had a weak sucking reflex. I didn’t end up peeing because I figured I didn’t really drink a lot of liquid in the last 12 hours. So we weighed the baby. He was 6 lbs 8 oz, bigger than I expected. He sucked on my breast for a bit for that liquid gold they talk about (colostrum). I swear they weren’t producing anything but apparently they are. After having some breakfast in my tummy and some liquids I finally peed and we left the delivery room to our hospital room.